The Christmas Fruitcake Post

A friend of mine recently read me this recipe over the phone. It reads better aloud, to be honest, but I couldn’t resist posting it here in spirit – Hic! – of the season. I asked for proper attribution, but he said he found it on several Internet sites and in true recipe fashion tweaked it a bit to make it his own. I’ve done the same. After all, most fruitcake tastes alike, right?

Cheers, and Happy Holidays! Thank you all for reading and supporting Dave McIntyre’s WineLine  over the past year.

Old Scottish Fruitcake recipe

1 cup water
1 cup of sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 gallon whiskey

  • Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
  • Take a large bowl.
  • Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
  • Pour one level cup of whiskey and drink. Repeat.
  • Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl.
  • Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
  • Make sure the whiskey is still OK.
  • Add another cup of something. Turn off the mixer.
  • Break some of the eggs — although I’m not really sure how many — and add to the bowl; then chuck in the cup of dried fruit.  Or was it two cups?
  • Mix on the turner again.
  • If the fruit gets stuck in the beater things, pry it loose with a screwdriver.
  • Sample the whiskey again.
  • Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something …Who cares at this point?
  • Check the whiskey.
  • Now sift the lemon juice and strain something.
  • Add one table…ah, tablespoon…of sugar or something…Whatever you can find.
  • Grease the oven and turn it to 350 degrees or 400 or whatever you feel like.
  • Oh — Don’t forget to turn off the beater or whichever appliance you were using.
  • Check the whiskey again carefully….

Now throw the whole bowl of batter away. You might as well go to bed because nobody likes fruitcake anyway!

About these ads

About Dave McIntyre

Wine columnist for The Washington Post, co-founder of DrinkLocalWine.com, and blogger at Dave McIntyre's WineLine (dmwineline.com).
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Christmas Fruitcake Post

  1. Pingback: Terroirist: A Daily Wine Blog » Daily Wine News: Ample Reason

  2. Tom says:

    This is an oldie but goodie! Still, it is possible to make good fruitcake. Check out the recipe in Maida Heatter’s Book of Great Desserts. I make it every year and it’s delicious. Not that I wouldn’t drink while making it, though.

Join the Discussion!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s