Wine Geek – Know Thyself!

Back in the late ’90s when I was writing for Sidewalk.com, I did a piece titled, “You Know You’re a Wine Geek When … ”  It was openly derivative of Jeff Foxworthy’s redneck routine, and of course I gave credit where it was due. And since we wine geek’s are such good fodder for material, I continued the theme with Dave McIntyre’s WineLine #8, in the days before anyone had coined the word “blog” to refer to “online newsletters.”

This is about as geeky as I get, holding the glass by the foot!

“Wine geek” sounds pejorative, but I don’t mean it as a slur when I use it in my writings to refer to wine lovers. I consider myself a wine geek, after all. And geeks of all kinds are considered cool now anyway.

For me, a wine geek is someone who spends an inordinate amount of time thinking about and talking about wine. Or reading wine blogs. (Yeah, I’m talking to you!) We spend a fair portion of our disposable income on wine; though our average price comfort level depends to a large degree on how much income we have to spend. A wine geek, in other words, is not a price snob. We are willing to pay a little more for a special wine, one that offers extra nuance or complexity, a special terroir. But we relish the inexpensive over-achiever wine as well as the rare, pricey cuvée.

So in the spirit of poking fun at ourselves, here are some traits of the species called “wine geek.” This list contains some of my oldies, but also some new ones as I try to keep the material fresh. It is by no means an exclusive list, and I am not the only person who has had fun with this theme. Please add your own in the comments.

You Know You’re a Wine Geek When:

• You swirl your water glass at dinner parties.
• You would solve the European debt crisis by abolishing the euro and imposing a new common currency called the “Galloni.”
• You put out your recycling late at night after all your neighbors have gone to bed, then sneak around looking at what they’ve been drinking.
• Someone tells you they are taking a cab to the party and you ask, “Napa?” (Hat tip to Allen Clark!)
• You have hundreds of bottles in your cellar, but keep complaining, “There’s nothing to drink!”
• You try not to invite “Parker people” to the same dinner party as “Jancis people.”
• You correct your hostess when she offers you “Champagne” but pours you Cava.
• You tell a talkative New Zealander to “Stick a Stelvin in it!” and laugh as if you’re the funniest guy on Earth.
• You say things like, “Wine gives me a Riesling to live!”
• You can’t type words like win, windows, winter or winnow without hitting the backspace key.
• You sleep with your dog, Turley, and get offended when someone asks, “You named your dog Turdley?”
• Your favorite beverage is “#wine”.
• During a business conference, you text a colleague to “meet me in the Laube.”
• You nicknamed your son Brett, not because he can throw a football, but because he smells funky.
• You do not have to consult Wikipedia to know that Alder Yarrow had nothing to do with the Salem witch trials.